The Spreader

Today’s #peopleofpublictransport is the Spreader. He is invariably male. He sits on one of the sideways benches and spreads his knees as far apart as they will stretch.

Proper spreading also seems to involve the placing the coccyx on the very edge of the seat and indulging in an Olympic grade slouch. Baseball cap is optional, but the absurdly low-crotched pants are mandatory. The intent appears to be to imply the Spreader is both blessed and cursed with a male organ of such improbable length and girth it renders conventional sitting impossible. He spends most of the ride attempting to draw the maximum attention to his crotch but the awe inspiring effect is somewhat spoiled by muffled sniggers behind his fist as he suppresses his childish glee at his (imagined) effect on the lay-deez.

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