The Eater

#peopleofpublictransport The Eater is precisely what he or she sounds like, except in degree. Where you might expect the Eater to eat, say, a bag of chips, the Eater will cram fistfuls of chips from a party size bag into their face by the simple expedient of opening wide and throwing clumped masses of fragments of potato chip in the general direction of their mouth, heedless of the mound of potato and grease forming on the seat beside them.

Sadly, chips are but the least of their arsenal. They prefer food of excessive mess, such as fried chicken, ice cream, and loosely packed Taco Bell. Alternatively they choose powerful-smelling Indian food, five pounds of blue cheese, or perhaps just a mass of raw sardines. They are sometimes only noticed after they have left the bus, when you get on and sit in a puddle of grease or get the smell of fish over your best work pants. The only consolation fellow travelers have is that such a diet is doubtless speeding him or her to an early grave.

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